Monday, June 04, 2012

"Do you believe I am who I say I am?" - God

I have had several people approach me after what I said in church today.  To ask for prayer, to ask what scriptures I used, to say thank you.  I have decided to put it on my blog and expound on it a little.

Last week I had a major struggle with anxiety.  It started out as a small fear regarding my health.  By the end of the week I was in full blown panic mode.  Sweaty hands, sick to my stomach, fluttering heart, taking deep breaths, sleepless nights - panic mode.  I googled, I journaled, I prayed, I ordered a book on amazon to cure my anxiety, I listened to worship music, I joined a board online for anxiety sufferers, and then I googled some more.  What should have been something I gave to the Lord turned into something I was trying to figure out myself and something I felt I needed to worry about.  As the week went on it only got worse.  If anyone has ever dealt with anxiety before, you know what I am talking about.  I had never experienced it on this scale before and I wondered why it was taking me over.  I could only think, Lord what I am feeling needs to be used for your glory, please just help me get out of this funk!

Anxious.  Sleepless.  Consumed.  This lasted for about 7 days.

In that time, I did spend every day in scripture and prayer.  Yet I chose to hold on to my fear.  To feed it.  To dwell on it.  Then Saturday night as I was preparing my talk for communion at church I felt God ask me the question:  

DO YOU BELIEVE I AM WHO I SAY I AM?

My answer was of course, YES!  I gave my heart to you at 5, Lord.  I went to a Christian school.  Married a pastor.  I know my scriptures.  I love you!  Of course I believe who you say you are.

Then I felt Him say, if you believed that I AM WHO I SAY I AM you would not be worried.  You would not be anxious.

Job 26:7-11 says, "God stretches the northern sky over empty space and hangs the earth on nothing.  He wraps the rain in his thick clouds, and the clouds don't burst with the weight.  He covers the face of the moon, shrouding it with his clouds.  He created the horizon when He separated the waters; He set the boundary between day and night.  The foundations of heaven tremble; they shudder at His rebuke."

Wow.  That is a pretty big God.  Do I believe that?  That He hung the earth on nothing?  That He can do anything?  Yes.  I do believe He is THAT big.

Then I found in 1 John 3:1 it says, "See how very much our Father loves us, for He calls us His children, and that is what we are!"

Do I believe I am His child?  Yes.  I do believe He sees me as His daughter.

Luke 12:7, "And the very hairs on your head are all numbered.  So don't be afraid you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows."

Do I really believe He loves me so much He knows exactly how many hairs are on my head?  Yes.  I believe he knows every detail of my life.

So if I really believe that God is who is says He is I have to believe He loves me this much.  The God who formed the mountains and spoke the earth into existence keeps track of my hair.  And He tells me not to be afraid.

1 Peter 5:7, "Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you."

He doesn't want me to carry my worries.  Do I believe that?  Yes.  Then why am I doing it?  I have to believe HE IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS - my CREATOR, my FATHER, my BURDEN CARRIER.

Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Do I believe that God knows what my tomorrow holds?  That He has already seen it?  Yes, I do believe that.  And He is still telling me not to worry.  To cast my cares on Him.

Zephaniah 3:17, "For the Lord your God is living among you, He is a might Savior.  He will take delight in you with gladness.  With His love, He will calm all your fears.  He will rejoice over you with joyful songs."


Does this mean I will never worry again?  I wish.  It only means that when worry, anxiety, fear, or doubt begins to creep in I know what to do with it.  I tell it that I believe my God is who is says he is.  That lies are from the enemy and the truth will set me free.  The truth that I do not have to fear tomorrow because God has already seen it and still tells me not to worry.

4 comments:

Tonya said...

Great word! Thank you for being transparent. Many will be helped because of doing so. Praise our Lord!

Joy {Little Bits of Joy} said...

OK...your testimony has me in tears yet again my dear friend!! Love your genuine heart for Him!

Trisha said...

I just messaged this to my daughter, who has been going through this very same thing for the last couple of weeks! She appreciated your testimony and just knowing that she is not the only "child of God" who struggles with anxiety even though she KNOWS who her God is, helps her stand stronger in the Word. Thanks for sharing Kelly!

Jennifer Lowry said...

I am so glad I read this tonight! Thank you so much for sharing this with us all Kelly, you are so amazing. This has really helped me and I was going to say "more than you know" but I have a pretty good feeling that you understand. Much Love Kelly~~